Mikaela C. Aka

Mikaela is a disabled queer bitch, born and raised in Brooklyn, NYC. She is inspired by her work with children, plant medicine, and changing the narrative of trauma. Mikaela refuses to die, solely because she knows capitalism wants her to. She is dedicated to making sliding scale herbal remedies in Oakland, CA.

Instagram: @DESTR0YH1M + @babygirlbotanicals

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I have been to hell without leaving my bed
Physical, uncontrollable pain comes to me, the most consistent visitor.
I have never been a pacifist because I have fought my entire life.
I bloom, I die, and I do it all over again.
Chronic is forever, illness isn’t temporary.
This disease is slowly spreading itself across each joint.
My tissues are held together by mere strings.
I think about epigenetics.
Trauma has wrapped itself around our DNA
I think about the women in my family who dragged themselves across oceans, only to find that they are still in war time.
I am holding generations of history within my joints.
The space where collagen should be,
is filled with uncertainty, the ghosts of incest.
Frida Kahlo had a mirror installed above her bed, so she could paint self portraits.
I don’t think I need a mirror, I know what this looks like. I look like my mom.
I bloom, I die, and I do it all over again.
What keeps me alive?
I have a plant hanging above my bed.
I have watched her grow as I lay staring at the ceiling,
wondering when I will morph into my mattress.
I am the teacher I wish I had. I am the mom I wish I had. I am the father that I deserved. I cannot have a full term pregnancy, but I will have a child one day.
I will let them know they are everything.
I will sing quietly in their ear, tell them how important they are.
I am emotionally and physically closer to death than ever.
But telling the truth makes me feel alive.
I bloom, I die, and I do it all over again. 

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